Gluck

February’s new things just kind of happened.
Even after my blog post, the new things just kept coming: including an invitation to 4th Street Live.
Confession time: at first, I was too tired to write about my latest adventure. Then I was too lazy…then laziness morphed into a kind of forgetful remembrance: I remembered going out to the clubs and I remembered thinking up a blog post, but I forgot that the words had never actually left my head. Then I forgot when it happened.
So throughout the entire month of March, I have labored under the illusion that my new thing was out of the way and written up. How exactly I remembered that 4th Street was in February, I honestly do not know…just one of those things that comes to you in the middle of the night, I guess.
So here it is, the last half of the last week in March and I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do.
Cue the Japanese restaurant right by work and the realization that I’ve never had sushi.
Actually, never having eaten sushi was kind of deliberate; with a mother like mine, you have no choice but to be aware of mercury poisoning in the ocean. Not to mention, why on earth would I ever pay more money for uncooked food? Seems a bit skewed to me…but with time in such short supply, what’s a girl to do? So I swallowed my fear of mercury poisoning (not literally, I hope) and marched myself into the sushi place.
Tip number one when ordering something you never thought you would: make friends with your waiter! I had no idea there were so many ways to prepare uncooked meat–so I just asked my waiter to pick something for me. She was very nice, and told me to order something called a Derby roll. “Very popular,” she said.
Its popularity must be based on something other than appearance, because my first thought on seeing a Derby roll was: “Dear God, I hope that’s not for me!” It looked, for all the world, like two tail fins stuck on either side of pastry coated in brown sugar. Also, it was huge; maybe 8-10 inches long.
So there I was, facing down a giant sized portion of something I was not really inclined to do anything but look at…and absolutely no idea how to eat it. My informative waiter had already gone and so were the not-so-helpful menus. To my right, the people had already finished and to my left, they were still ordering: no help to be found there. An experimental prod with a fork revealed the Derby roll to be pre-sliced into six pieces, each one an uncomfortably large mouthful. By slicing each piece in half, I was able to consume the sushi in twelve bits.
Believe me, I counted.
Objectively, I understand why my waiter recommended the Derby roll: the marriage of crunchy sugar and smooth meat made for a fascinating taste…if you are a connoisseur. Personally, I couldn’t get past the slimy quality under the sugar.
I downed three enormous glasses of lemonade with this meal; the first to keep me from bolting as soon as I ordered, the second to get the stuff down and the third to keep it down. I also spent the majority of the ride home convinced the raw fish was going to slide back out.
I’m still not convinced it is getting digested in the usual manner.

I will say this: if it were not for The List, I doubt I would ever have eaten sushi. Thanks to The List, I doubt I ever will again. Yuck!

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Categories: The List | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Gluck

  1. Oh my gosh! That is so funny. Michael laughed and giggled so much I feared he would have an asthma attack!!

    Like

  2. KGH

    Hilarious! Sushi is not my favorite either, but I think I could show you some things you’d like better if you ever decide to try again. Based on this essay, though, I’d say that’s not likely!

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  3. hmhedges

    Not likely indeed!

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  4. Nana

    Hannah May, there is no need for me to attempt it.
    I. Lol with your commentary, we have more in common than your middle name
    Sishi will not go on my bucket list!
    Love ya,
    Nana

    Like

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